I follow potato._.god on instagram (her stories are always so relatable) and I was viewing her stories last night when I saw this picture. It was so me and it got me thinking. I realized how much I’ve changed and how much better I feel about myself.
For the past three years or so (since I turned 16), I’ve done a lot of self-discovery and self-work. I’ve never really been depressed, without self-confidence or anything like that. Instead, my areas of concern were the opposite. I’ve always been very confident and proud of myself and my abilities. I never really had friends growing up and it was mostly because I couldn’t picture myself with many of the people I met or had things to do with. I couldn’t tolerate people or reduce my standards for anyone. Once I disagreed with someone, that was the end of that friendship.
This was me until i got into school at 16. I’m still basically the same person but I’ve changed greatly and I’ve learnt so much. I mean, I used to feel so high up there that I couldn’t go out without looking perfect and I’m not so pretty so you can imagine how much time of my life I lost. Now I know that its not just the physical beauty that matters. So I can wear any decent thing, with my clean hair, face and, body carrying myself confidently and feel so damn beautiful. All because I’ve discovered my true worth and my worth is not how gorgeous I look or how smart I am. Its more of what I can add to another person’s life. Its how I can enrich your life. I mean, I know its important to act incredibly smart and look smashing because I still do it every once in a while just so I know its not a big deal and I can totally achieve it. But, for me my life has changed so much that I’m so invested in how to help others, how to build a legacy and live up to my father’s expectations, build my own family beautifully that I’m not even bothered most of the time if I look like a troll in the streets. I know deep down I’m so much more.
This discovery has helped me build strong relationships that one argument can’t scatter 🙂 . I have beautiful relationships where there is mutual learning, uplifting, help, support and beautiful love. My friends and family have faults but now I know that I do too. So, although I’m still super picky (probably because I usually spot bad friendships a mile away), I’m more accommodating and forgiving now. The very few people in my life can attest to that 🙂 .
I believe we learn and improve everyday, even if its a tiny bit. I’m so glad you’re with me on this journey of mine.
I love you guys!!